Scientists Want to Decode Brad Meltzer

Scientists at the CDC have queried Brad Meltzer's publicist Brad Meltzer on the possibility of using minimally invasive surgery to examine his brain. An anonymous source said: "We believe we can use minimally invasive surgery, a type of arthroscopy for the brain, as we do not expect to find much. Still it would benefit mankind greatly if we can discover the cranial structures, chemicals, and perhaps even the genes responsible for inane and pompous behavior. Mr. Meltzer is a prime candidate given his self-aggrandizement and delusions of paranoid grandeur. I mean, take a look-see at his TV series "Decoded." Damn, what a boon to humanity if we could decode what makes him tick! We might be able to find a cure for him and similar disesases." When pressed for further information, the source declined further comment. "When we get an answer from either Mr. Meltzer or his publicist Mr. Meltzer we'll have more to report. Thank you."